Welcome! Thanks so much for visiting the page and offering feedback. A quick note: I'd like to say that the lower case is deliberate and is part of my writing style. Storybook.
This was really interesting to read and right from the start you had me hooked onto your story. I kept reading and reading before getting to the end and then realizing that I wanted to keep going. So it seems like your storybook is going to be over Athena and Ares and how it works between the two of them. They are opposite yet when you talk about one the other one automatically pops up. I am into Greek mythology a lot so I am very curious as to what you are going to be writing about and what stories you are going to be using. It seems really interesting and I am definitely looking forward to reading the rest of your stories that you add on here. The image you used is also very good and it goes with the theme of war that you seem to have going on.
Kaylen, I found your story captivating! I enjoy the fact that you decided to go with a Greek mythology-based storybook. I did as well (hi-five). It's an interesting dynamic to read about a brother (Ares) and a sister (Athena) who are both gods of war, but that they take different approaches to war. I'm very excited to learn how these differing perspectives came about. Was it their "childhood" experiences? Their life experiences with war? Or some other external influence? Also in your story, I hope that you continue to develop that sibling rivalry that you introduced in the very beginning of your introduction. Although Ares and Athena are influencing people's lives, they still squabble back and forth like a regular brother and sister. The main difference here being that their squabbles end up in wars and bloodshed. You would think that Athena (goddess of wisdom) would make wise decisions in order to avoid bloodshed if she could. I'm looking forward to reading about how you develop their sibling relationship, because I expect Ares to be a big baby about things, but not necessarily Athena. Catch you next week!
Right off the bat, I found your story to be incredibly intriguing. You did a great job setting the tone for your story and your word choice was well thought out. You also did a marvelous job developing the sibling rivalry and the ever-so-noticeable differences between the two. I'm looking forward to finding out exactly how those differences reveal themselves as you continue to write!
I also thought the layout of your storybook went well with the theme and tone you intended. The sentence structure complemented the mood of the story and enhanced the overall quality of the storybook. I would like to see more quotes like the one you included at the beginning of your introduction as your storybook progresses. I think it's a great way to introduce the point of the story before you dive into the details. I also think it adds a personal element to the story because the quote you used in your story highlighted the rivalry between the two siblings.
Kaelyn, I really enjoyed reading your introduction! It had me hooked immediately because I have always been interested in Greek Mythology. Having the introduction start off with dialogue between Ares and Athena was really smart. It allowed me to understand what the storybook will be about while explaining some of their character traits. They are totally different and you did an excellent job displaying that. I find it interesting how you described both Athena and Ares in parallel. I also am intrigued into what the Gods and Goddesses think when they are involved with mortal issues so I am excited to read more of your storybook. In terms of layout, I thought you did a great job in picking your images, especially the one on your comment wall. It definitely gives off an eerie vibe that comes with war. Also, it is small but I liked the size of your paragraphs. It is sometimes a hassle to read long paragraphs so I am glad that you broke them up into small sentences. Overall, great job!
Hey Kaylen! I really liked your introduction for the War Perspectives that you are writing! I am excited to read the rest of your story book! After reading the introduction I was so excited to read the rest! I looked for the next part of the story, but I couldn't find it; because you haven't put it on the website yet. I think this is going to be a very interesting storybook, and I definitely want to come back and read the finished project! If I understand your concept correctly, Ares and Athena are brother and sister and are the god and goddess of war? The difference is Ares wants to destroy everything, while Athena wishes to cause war only to give those left in the destruction. I think this will be an interesting story and I can't wait to read the rest! It was a little difficult to read the story because the lack of capitalization. I don't know if it was the font you used, but it was a little difficult to read. Other than that, it was great!
Gotta applaud you for the design and layout, Kaylen! It really makes the page pop out for the viewer. It's also great how the characters' personalities were immediately apparently, even within the first 3 lines. The cut from dialogue between Ares and Athena to the description of war was smart and it helped establish Ares' motivation immediately. Though because of this, I feel like Athena was a bit left out. For example, when the line "Ares stands by these words, Athena does not" comes up, Athena's view of what war is could be discussed. Compared to the next few lines where Ares and Athena are compared in their destruction, that part feels a little skipped over. It's only a small complaint though, and I'm excited to read more about why they fight the way they do and the consequences resulting in them. Overall, a very strong and descriptive introduction that leaves a lot of suspense for the reader!
Oh my goodness, Kaylen! I love what you've done with this story! I was so intrigued by it before, but now it is even more intriguing; a feat I thought not possible. I like that last phrase you have at the end, "Tell me, who is the one that leads you into battle? Is it Athena that guides you? or is it Ares that you follow?". That sentence gave me the chills!
I can't wait to read the rest once you get it written! I really like that music you added! That is a personal touch that I have not seen before on other blogs or story books nor thought of doing myself. Would you be upset if I took the idea and added music to mine as well? It just adds such a nice touch and a whole new depth to the story book. I really felt like I was reading some epic introduction to a story when I had the music playing! I liked it a lot!
This is absolutely amazing! I was so captivated the entire time I was reading your introduction. The music was an incredible touch as well! I played it while reading, and it definitely helped set the mood. I would maybe add a note below the video about turning it on before reading, so everyone can get that experience. I don't know much about embedding videos, but maybe there is a way to make it play without the reader needing to press play. It is so hard to give you helpful feedback because all I want to do is compliment your work! I think you have a great idea for your storybook, and I am so interested to see the motivations by the two gods of war. The quote at the beginning was a nice touch and very relevant. I also absolutely loved your question to the reader at the bottom. Great work!
Hi, friend :) Funny seeing you here. Anyway! I love your whole website design and the images you chose to attach to your introduction and first chapter! I think the best part of your storybook might be the fact that you include a soundtrack for the readers to listen to while reading. That might be the most unique thing I’ve seen in both the Myth & Folklore and the Indian Epics class! Your storyline itself was very captivating, and I immediately wanted to read on to see what happened next. However, one thing I was wondering about was your choice of not capitalizing anything. Was there a reasoning behind this? Maybe for artistic style or something? For me, it was a bit distracting, but that might just be me. Other than this, I don’t really see any other problems with your storybook. It’s unique, interesting, and artfully designed! I can’t wait until you are completely finished with it!
I chose this storybook because the title intrigued me, and the content didn’t disappoint. The first story is an interesting take on Athena that definitely diverges from most classical stories. I hope later stories will also delve in to Ares’ persona and expand his character too! The comparison would be interesting.
Also, I immediately recognized this style as yours even before I pulled up your comment wall. It’s very distinct. This story seemed a little more grounded in narrative than the other ones of yours I’ve read, which I think is good. I think what characterizes this style of writing is that it’s poetic, but opaque at times. The physical lack of capital letters can be confusing since our brains are hard-wired to look for certain cues to indicate the beginning of a separate sentence—a period followed by a capital letter. There are ways around it, as with the dash you used in the opening paragraphs of the first story. Dividing into subsections as you did helps to separate things spatially, too. Just something to consider with this style.
Great story so far! I look forward to reading more.
Kaylen, I thought that your story was really good. I enjoyed the description of how Athena goes into battle and how she takes on the fight against enemies not out of fun but out of a need. I like how you created an eerie step into Atena’s mindset and how she is looking at her people. This was a great description and I think that you tied it in really well. I think that one thing that might need a change would be that you have no capital letters in your story. This threw me off and made it a little harder for me to understand as someone just reading your first story. The story itself was really good and I definitely would read more of your stories. I hope that you can continue to make great stories and I am excited read more of your stories. Great Job, Kaylen.
Hi Kaylen! Your first story turned out really well. The style you use is unique and unlike anything I have read so far. Are you meaning to not capitalize words on purpose? The layout was also really nice and made it easy to read. My favorite part was, "she does not fight immediately; she only watches and waits. eyes stare down at the sight before her, observing intently as the ones she protects do everything in their power to defend themselves. the screams begin to echo in her ears. they call for her guidance. she continues to wait, her mind racing with strategies. she is not hesitant to engage in combat-- she does not wait out of fear. rushing carelessly into chaos will do no good." These description sections are great. They really give the reader a picture of how the character behaves and interact with other characters. Definitely make sure to include this type of description in the next additions. Overall this was a great read, keep up the good work!
I really enjoyed reading your first story. I like how you set the scene by labeling when things started. I thought that was very unique and interesting. I enjoyed the color scheme and layout of your storybook and thought it was very neat that you added a soundtrack clip for people to listen to. (I really need to learn how to do that) Did you mean to use all lower case throughout your story? It threw me off sometimes when I was expecting a new sentence. I think that you were very consistent in using detail throughout your storybook. You set up the scene with the words you chose so I was able to visualize Athena very well and how she approaches enemies that come her way. Have you thought about using some dialogue? Great story overall, I really enjoyed reading it and can't wait to see the progress that you make.
Hey Kaylen! Again, it is always a pleasure to continue reading your story! I really love the music you added. While does have a little static, it is kind of like the static almost represents Athena's situation. It is calm and tranquil, and then it starts getting a little chaotic (the static starts), and at the end it is complete war(a lot of static). It is almost like Athena's mind. She doesn't want to let her emotions control her, but she can feel them and is very aware of them trying to affect her choices. I love reading your storybook! I really enjoy the personality you have put into Athena, and I can't wait to see how you portray her brother, Ares! I really appreciated the warning you gave the readers about the static in the music and the optional note you wrote! I didn't mind the static, but some people might!
Hi Kaylen! Great call on adding music. The static reminds me of the turmoil of war. I think you did a fantastic job of writing Athena's character. The strong female lead reflects the way I have always seen Athena as a goddess. I also really like the lyric you added at the beginning. It set my expectations for the story, and you successfully surpassed my expectations.
I am curious if it was a deliberate choice to forgo capital letters. It made it harder to read, and it also detracted from the importance of the characters. If there is a reason, I highly recommend to explaining it to the reader. And if it was on purpose, it actually might make Athena more meaning full if only her name was capitalized.
I do like using the roman numerals for the sections of the story. Something about it makes me think "mythological story"-- which is good! Overall, great job on this storybook so far!
Kaylen, I think you did a really great job of portraying the emotions in your story. As I read along, I found myself experiencing the dread that Athena felt. I think everyone associates war with sadness, loss, and tragedy but your story brings in a little bit of a different perspective. This story shows all of that and more. We get to see the devotion that Athena feels. We get to see how that devotion changes Athena’s emotions. She is sad. It is hard for her to watch her people struggle but she does it. She doesn’t allow her sadness to take over or cause her to falter. I think you did a really great job of paralleling her more positive feelings with her negative emotions. The biggest thing I see in your story that you might want to focus some extra attention on is your author’s note. I feel like you did a great job of explaining what your goals for the project are, but I didn’t really see much about your source story and how you worked from that to your own. Is this based on a multitude of Athena and Ares stories or was there one or two in particular that you drew your inspiration from? I think you did a really great job with this and the finished project should be pretty awesome!
I'm glad you mentioned that the lowercase was part of your writing style because I was confused at first. I assumed you meant to do it, but I just wanted to be sure. You poured a lot of different things into this small introduction, which was really unique. Taking such an emotional thing, war, and giving to sides to the meaning as to why different people do different things. When it comes to war, so much emotion can be involved that decision making doesn't seem rational or logical. I think your story will play a lot into the ethos of the reader's senses, which is really cool. I'm not sure which side I would pick!
I think it would be cool if you kinda added in the side you may choose to follow. I think it would be nice to kinda do it along with the writer from the reader's perspective. Their is a lot of potential with this story!
Good luck writing this storybook! I definitely need to check back in on the stories you write.
Hey Kaylen! I saw that there was only one story on the storybook so I decided to simply write over that one! I firstly, love the option that you included a song in your story, as I love to listen to music while I work! I am a fan of the way you wrote your story in more of a bullet point fashion as I find it easy to read. However, the end of the first line did not always complete the sentences so that made it a little jumpy! Overall, I really enjoyed your story and hope you write another one soon! I think that the way you made Athena out were very respectable as well as she and Ares have so much tension between them. I would also recommend for the section headlines to be capitalized, as it will distinguish the headings more! Good Job!
I love your story. It is such such an interesting concept and I think you have done a wonderful job with it. You have really managed to capture the essence of Athena, I cannot wait to see what you do with Ares.Your general layout is gorgeous (I may borrow your ideas for my own). Your music choices are perfectly chosen to enhance your stories. I do have a question. are you going to write a story based on a particularly myth or just the mythology of the figures in general? I think it would be cool if you could find a myth that has both figures in it and then show how the psyche of your charterers is involved in it. I only have one suggestion. Can you please go though and capitalize things- at the very lest names and the word I. It is sort of distracting. I love your writing though, and I think you have great talent. I cannot wait to read more!
Your introduction really drew me in! You did an excellent job of introducing the central conflict with gripping imagery to juxtapose Ares and Athena’s character. I also like how you gave explicit examples of their actions and then left it up to the reader to choose a side, but not before you present further evidence through your stories. I also loved the image you chose for your introduction; I think it aptly displays their struggle. Wow, your first story was so good! I like how you chose to divide it into sections, almost like different journal entries that we have from Athena. It was interesting how you chose to explore her thoughts behind the job she has to do, that she cannot avoid war so she doesn’t run from it. I also like that you chose to distinguish that her hesitation to act did not come from coldness, but rather from a place of wisdom and strength. Awesome job!
I really enjoyed your storybook. I have always been a fan of the war like stories in mythology, so I really appreciated this. The images you chose to depict certain characters and settings helped me paint the story in my own mind. I thought that was a good aspect. In these war stories, imagery is a very important key to successful writing. Otherwise, you are just talking about a bunch of people fighting each other. The picture painting is what makes it truly interesting. People put themselves in the place of the character in the story and I think it engulfs them more in the plot if detailed description is abundant. I think something that could make this storybook better is to add more to the story! I enjoyed it so much that I wish there was more for me to read. I think it would be a very easy topic to expand on in terms of background and future plots.
Your writing is absolutely gorgeous! It reminds me of poetry with the way you describe things and how your sentences flow. I really wish there were more stories! Are you going to be adding another one about Ares' point of view? I noticed in your Storybook description in the list of Storybooks that it said "calm before the storm" was your final story! That would be such a shame in my opinion! I was really looking forward to seeing your take on Ares! I think your depiction of Ares vs Athena so far is a bit biased towards Athena, so I would be really interested to see how you could make Ares seem more sympathetic or if you want to make him sympathetic at all! I also really like your all lower case stylistic choice. It was a little strange at first, but I think it really helps make it feel more poetic (sort of like an E.E. Cummings poem haha). I also have to say I love your blog set up and the gorgeous pictures you chose! Great job and I really hope you put up another story! I'd love to read it!
This was really interesting to read and right from the start you had me hooked onto your story. I kept reading and reading before getting to the end and then realizing that I wanted to keep going. So it seems like your storybook is going to be over Athena and Ares and how it works between the two of them. They are opposite yet when you talk about one the other one automatically pops up. I am into Greek mythology a lot so I am very curious as to what you are going to be writing about and what stories you are going to be using. It seems really interesting and I am definitely looking forward to reading the rest of your stories that you add on here. The image you used is also very good and it goes with the theme of war that you seem to have going on.
ReplyDeleteKaylen, I found your story captivating! I enjoy the fact that you decided to go with a Greek mythology-based storybook. I did as well (hi-five). It's an interesting dynamic to read about a brother (Ares) and a sister (Athena) who are both gods of war, but that they take different approaches to war. I'm very excited to learn how these differing perspectives came about. Was it their "childhood" experiences? Their life experiences with war? Or some other external influence?
ReplyDeleteAlso in your story, I hope that you continue to develop that sibling rivalry that you introduced in the very beginning of your introduction. Although Ares and Athena are influencing people's lives, they still squabble back and forth like a regular brother and sister. The main difference here being that their squabbles end up in wars and bloodshed. You would think that Athena (goddess of wisdom) would make wise decisions in order to avoid bloodshed if she could. I'm looking forward to reading about how you develop their sibling relationship, because I expect Ares to be a big baby about things, but not necessarily Athena. Catch you next week!
Hey Kaylen!
ReplyDeleteRight off the bat, I found your story to be incredibly intriguing. You did a great job setting the tone for your story and your word choice was well thought out. You also did a marvelous job developing the sibling rivalry and the ever-so-noticeable differences between the two. I'm looking forward to finding out exactly how those differences reveal themselves as you continue to write!
I also thought the layout of your storybook went well with the theme and tone you intended. The sentence structure complemented the mood of the story and enhanced the overall quality of the storybook. I would like to see more quotes like the one you included at the beginning of your introduction as your storybook progresses. I think it's a great way to introduce the point of the story before you dive into the details. I also think it adds a personal element to the story because the quote you used in your story highlighted the rivalry between the two siblings.
Keep up the good work!
Kaelyn, I really enjoyed reading your introduction! It had me hooked immediately because I have always been interested in Greek Mythology. Having the introduction start off with dialogue between Ares and Athena was really smart. It allowed me to understand what the storybook will be about while explaining some of their character traits. They are totally different and you did an excellent job displaying that. I find it interesting how you described both Athena and Ares in parallel. I also am intrigued into what the Gods and Goddesses think when they are involved with mortal issues so I am excited to read more of your storybook. In terms of layout, I thought you did a great job in picking your images, especially the one on your comment wall. It definitely gives off an eerie vibe that comes with war. Also, it is small but I liked the size of your paragraphs. It is sometimes a hassle to read long paragraphs so I am glad that you broke them up into small sentences. Overall, great job!
ReplyDeleteHey Kaylen! I really liked your introduction for the War Perspectives that you are writing! I am excited to read the rest of your story book! After reading the introduction I was so excited to read the rest! I looked for the next part of the story, but I couldn't find it; because you haven't put it on the website yet. I think this is going to be a very interesting storybook, and I definitely want to come back and read the finished project!
ReplyDeleteIf I understand your concept correctly, Ares and Athena are brother and sister and are the god and goddess of war? The difference is Ares wants to destroy everything, while Athena wishes to cause war only to give those left in the destruction. I think this will be an interesting story and I can't wait to read the rest!
It was a little difficult to read the story because the lack of capitalization. I don't know if it was the font you used, but it was a little difficult to read. Other than that, it was great!
Gotta applaud you for the design and layout, Kaylen! It really makes the page pop out for the viewer. It's also great how the characters' personalities were immediately apparently, even within the first 3 lines. The cut from dialogue between Ares and Athena to the description of war was smart and it helped establish Ares' motivation immediately. Though because of this, I feel like Athena was a bit left out. For example, when the line "Ares stands by these words, Athena does not" comes up, Athena's view of what war is could be discussed. Compared to the next few lines where Ares and Athena are compared in their destruction, that part feels a little skipped over. It's only a small complaint though, and I'm excited to read more about why they fight the way they do and the consequences resulting in them. Overall, a very strong and descriptive introduction that leaves a lot of suspense for the reader!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, Kaylen! I love what you've done with this story! I was so intrigued by it before, but now it is even more intriguing; a feat I thought not possible. I like that last phrase you have at the end, "Tell me, who is the one that leads you into battle? Is it Athena that guides you? or is it Ares that you follow?". That sentence gave me the chills!
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to read the rest once you get it written! I really like that music you added! That is a personal touch that I have not seen before on other blogs or story books nor thought of doing myself. Would you be upset if I took the idea and added music to mine as well? It just adds such a nice touch and a whole new depth to the story book. I really felt like I was reading some epic introduction to a story when I had the music playing! I liked it a lot!
This is absolutely amazing! I was so captivated the entire time I was reading your introduction. The music was an incredible touch as well! I played it while reading, and it definitely helped set the mood. I would maybe add a note below the video about turning it on before reading, so everyone can get that experience. I don't know much about embedding videos, but maybe there is a way to make it play without the reader needing to press play. It is so hard to give you helpful feedback because all I want to do is compliment your work! I think you have a great idea for your storybook, and I am so interested to see the motivations by the two gods of war. The quote at the beginning was a nice touch and very relevant. I also absolutely loved your question to the reader at the bottom. Great work!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi, friend :) Funny seeing you here. Anyway! I love your whole website design and the images you chose to attach to your introduction and first chapter! I think the best part of your storybook might be the fact that you include a soundtrack for the readers to listen to while reading. That might be the most unique thing I’ve seen in both the Myth & Folklore and the Indian Epics class! Your storyline itself was very captivating, and I immediately wanted to read on to see what happened next. However, one thing I was wondering about was your choice of not capitalizing anything. Was there a reasoning behind this? Maybe for artistic style or something? For me, it was a bit distracting, but that might just be me. Other than this, I don’t really see any other problems with your storybook. It’s unique, interesting, and artfully designed! I can’t wait until you are completely finished with it!
ReplyDeleteI chose this storybook because the title intrigued me, and the content didn’t disappoint. The first story is an interesting take on Athena that definitely diverges from most classical stories. I hope later stories will also delve in to Ares’ persona and expand his character too! The comparison would be interesting.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I immediately recognized this style as yours even before I pulled up your comment wall. It’s very distinct. This story seemed a little more grounded in narrative than the other ones of yours I’ve read, which I think is good. I think what characterizes this style of writing is that it’s poetic, but opaque at times. The physical lack of capital letters can be confusing since our brains are hard-wired to look for certain cues to indicate the beginning of a separate sentence—a period followed by a capital letter. There are ways around it, as with the dash you used in the opening paragraphs of the first story. Dividing into subsections as you did helps to separate things spatially, too. Just something to consider with this style.
Great story so far! I look forward to reading more.
Kaylen, I thought that your story was really good. I enjoyed the description of how Athena goes into battle and how she takes on the fight against enemies not out of fun but out of a need. I like how you created an eerie step into Atena’s mindset and how she is looking at her people. This was a great description and I think that you tied it in really well. I think that one thing that might need a change would be that you have no capital letters in your story. This threw me off and made it a little harder for me to understand as someone just reading your first story. The story itself was really good and I definitely would read more of your stories. I hope that you can continue to make great stories and I am excited read more of your stories. Great Job, Kaylen.
ReplyDeleteHi Kaylen! Your first story turned out really well. The style you use is unique and unlike anything I have read so far. Are you meaning to not capitalize words on purpose? The layout was also really nice and made it easy to read. My favorite part was, "she does not fight immediately; she only watches and waits. eyes stare down at the sight before her, observing intently as the ones she protects do everything in their power to defend themselves. the screams begin to echo in her ears.
ReplyDeletethey call for her guidance. she continues to wait, her mind racing with strategies. she is not hesitant to engage in combat-- she does not wait out of fear. rushing carelessly into chaos will do no good." These description sections are great. They really give the reader a picture of how the character behaves and interact with other characters. Definitely make sure to include this type of description in the next additions. Overall this was a great read, keep up the good work!
Hey Kaylen,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your first story. I like how you set the scene by labeling when things started. I thought that was very unique and interesting. I enjoyed the color scheme and layout of your storybook and thought it was very neat that you added a soundtrack clip for people to listen to. (I really need to learn how to do that) Did you mean to use all lower case throughout your story? It threw me off sometimes when I was expecting a new sentence. I think that you were very consistent in using detail throughout your storybook. You set up the scene with the words you chose so I was able to visualize Athena very well and how she approaches enemies that come her way. Have you thought about using some dialogue? Great story overall, I really enjoyed reading it and can't wait to see the progress that you make.
Hey Kaylen! Again, it is always a pleasure to continue reading your story! I really love the music you added. While does have a little static, it is kind of like the static almost represents Athena's situation. It is calm and tranquil, and then it starts getting a little chaotic (the static starts), and at the end it is complete war(a lot of static). It is almost like Athena's mind. She doesn't want to let her emotions control her, but she can feel them and is very aware of them trying to affect her choices.
ReplyDeleteI love reading your storybook! I really enjoy the personality you have put into Athena, and I can't wait to see how you portray her brother, Ares!
I really appreciated the warning you gave the readers about the static in the music and the optional note you wrote! I didn't mind the static, but some people might!
Hi Kaylen! Great call on adding music. The static reminds me of the turmoil of war. I think you did a fantastic job of writing Athena's character. The strong female lead reflects the way I have always seen Athena as a goddess. I also really like the lyric you added at the beginning. It set my expectations for the story, and you successfully surpassed my expectations.
ReplyDeleteI am curious if it was a deliberate choice to forgo capital letters. It made it harder to read, and it also detracted from the importance of the characters. If there is a reason, I highly recommend to explaining it to the reader. And if it was on purpose, it actually might make Athena more meaning full if only her name was capitalized.
I do like using the roman numerals for the sections of the story. Something about it makes me think "mythological story"-- which is good! Overall, great job on this storybook so far!
Kaylen, I think you did a really great job of portraying the emotions in your story. As I read along, I found myself experiencing the dread that Athena felt. I think everyone associates war with sadness, loss, and tragedy but your story brings in a little bit of a different perspective.
ReplyDeleteThis story shows all of that and more. We get to see the devotion that Athena feels. We get to see how that devotion changes Athena’s emotions. She is sad. It is hard for her to watch her people struggle but she does it. She doesn’t allow her sadness to take over or cause her to falter. I think you did a really great job of paralleling her more positive feelings with her negative emotions.
The biggest thing I see in your story that you might want to focus some extra attention on is your author’s note. I feel like you did a great job of explaining what your goals for the project are, but I didn’t really see much about your source story and how you worked from that to your own. Is this based on a multitude of Athena and Ares stories or was there one or two in particular that you drew your inspiration from?
I think you did a really great job with this and the finished project should be pretty awesome!
I'm glad you mentioned that the lowercase was part of your writing style because I was confused at first. I assumed you meant to do it, but I just wanted to be sure. You poured a lot of different things into this small introduction, which was really unique. Taking such an emotional thing, war, and giving to sides to the meaning as to why different people do different things. When it comes to war, so much emotion can be involved that decision making doesn't seem rational or logical. I think your story will play a lot into the ethos of the reader's senses, which is really cool. I'm not sure which side I would pick!
ReplyDeleteI think it would be cool if you kinda added in the side you may choose to follow. I think it would be nice to kinda do it along with the writer from the reader's perspective. Their is a lot of potential with this story!
Good luck writing this storybook! I definitely need to check back in on the stories you write.
Hey Kaylen!
ReplyDeleteI saw that there was only one story on the storybook so I decided to simply write over that one! I firstly, love the option that you included a song in your story, as I love to listen to music while I work! I am a fan of the way you wrote your story in more of a bullet point fashion as I find it easy to read. However, the end of the first line did not always complete the sentences so that made it a little jumpy! Overall, I really enjoyed your story and hope you write another one soon! I think that the way you made Athena out were very respectable as well as she and Ares have so much tension between them. I would also recommend for the section headlines to be capitalized, as it will distinguish the headings more! Good Job!
I love your story. It is such such an interesting concept and I think you have done a wonderful job with it. You have really managed to capture the essence of Athena, I cannot wait to see what you do with Ares.Your general layout is gorgeous (I may borrow your ideas for my own). Your music choices are perfectly chosen to enhance your stories. I do have a question. are you going to write a story based on a particularly myth or just the mythology of the figures in general? I think it would be cool if you could find a myth that has both figures in it and then show how the psyche of your charterers is involved in it. I only have one suggestion. Can you please go though and capitalize things- at the very lest names and the word I. It is sort of distracting. I love your writing though, and I think you have great talent. I cannot wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteYour introduction really drew me in! You did an excellent job of introducing the central conflict with gripping imagery to juxtapose Ares and Athena’s character. I also like how you gave explicit examples of their actions and then left it up to the reader to choose a side, but not before you present further evidence through your stories. I also loved the image you chose for your introduction; I think it aptly displays their struggle. Wow, your first story was so good! I like how you chose to divide it into sections, almost like different journal entries that we have from Athena. It was interesting how you chose to explore her thoughts behind the job she has to do, that she cannot avoid war so she doesn’t run from it. I also like that you chose to distinguish that her hesitation to act did not come from coldness, but rather from a place of wisdom and strength. Awesome job!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your storybook. I have always been a fan of the war like stories in mythology, so I really appreciated this. The images you chose to depict certain characters and settings helped me paint the story in my own mind. I thought that was a good aspect. In these war stories, imagery is a very important key to successful writing. Otherwise, you are just talking about a bunch of people fighting each other. The picture painting is what makes it truly interesting. People put themselves in the place of the character in the story and I think it engulfs them more in the plot if detailed description is abundant. I think something that could make this storybook better is to add more to the story! I enjoyed it so much that I wish there was more for me to read. I think it would be a very easy topic to expand on in terms of background and future plots.
ReplyDeleteYour writing is absolutely gorgeous! It reminds me of poetry with the way you describe things and how your sentences flow. I really wish there were more stories! Are you going to be adding another one about Ares' point of view? I noticed in your Storybook description in the list of Storybooks that it said "calm before the storm" was your final story! That would be such a shame in my opinion! I was really looking forward to seeing your take on Ares! I think your depiction of Ares vs Athena so far is a bit biased towards Athena, so I would be really interested to see how you could make Ares seem more sympathetic or if you want to make him sympathetic at all! I also really like your all lower case stylistic choice. It was a little strange at first, but I think it really helps make it feel more poetic (sort of like an E.E. Cummings poem haha). I also have to say I love your blog set up and the gorgeous pictures you chose! Great job and I really hope you put up another story! I'd love to read it!
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